My first born was about 7 months old when my Aunt and Uncle came by for a visit on their way home. They "had something important to talk to me (and my Honey) about". I was almost positive that they were going to pitch me on some multilevel thing and I was quick to excuse my husband from the pitch. Another small percent of me thought, maybe I've done something to offend them and they are getting ready to confront me about it. Whatever it was, I wasn't about to subject my hard-working husband to it and off he went. At this time we owned a small "mom & pop" cellular store and we were quite literally the mom and pop with our bouncing baby boy in tote with us. So off my Honey goes and I take over covering the store while my Aunt has this "chat" with me. The conversation the followed changed my world forever.
At 27 years old I found out that I was adopted.
And this is how my brain works. Alright, I'm adopted. My mom couldn't have kids and so....is my aunt trying to tell me that I was her baby? Did my dad have an affair? Do you like how my brain missed the whole "I was adopted" thing even as it acknowledged that I was? She didn't know too much about it because she was was very young at the time but felt that I should know about it. And she was right - and so brave! How afraid she was that I would not love her the same, that I would hate her for telling me this news. But God, He knew! And already had prepared my heart for this kind of news.
My mom was a foster child and because of that (or what I thought was only that) she instilled in me that adoption is a wonderful thing; that just because people do not share blood does not make them any less family, the same as just because you share blood doesn't make you family. So growing up I always saw adoption as a beautiful and wonderful thing. And it is! In fact, the desire to adopt is one of the things that drew my husband and I together when we were first dating. It was one of those deal breakers for me.
After my Aunt left I was pretty much in shock. And while I believed she thought she was telling the truth I wasn't positive she new the truth. I couldn't ask my parents since they both had passed away. And I didn't want to call my Grandma because, well, I was concerned about how the news would affect her if it WAS true. So I did what anyone else would do, I went to Google for the appropriate number and made a call. I proceeded to give the lovely woman on the phone the story about what had just happened. She proceeded to tell me that Washington (the state I was born in) is a closed adoption state and she could not give me any information. At this point I asked "Can you tell me if you DO have a file on me?" This way I would at least know that this information was 100% true. It was.
Got to buzz, dinner to put on the table. More on this later.
-K
That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life! Your mom had asked me to promise to never tell you! I felt like I was breaking a promise to her and I felt guilty even though she had passed away. But I had talked to her many times about telling you. I thought you had the right to know, I always thought it should come from your mom, my sister.
ReplyDeleteshe did agree with me about it and was going to counseling about it. But when she passed away I felt I was the only one who could tell you out of love and not because of any self serving disgusting gossip. I love you deeply Krystal, my biggest fear in telling you was that this information might hurt you. I couldn't live with myself if you were hurt by this. I will never ever ever forget the look on your face when I was finally able to get it out of my fumbling mouth lol
it was literally the hardest thing I ever had to do!! I can't tell you how scared I was that you would never forgive me for telling you! I was terrified!
Next to my parents, you were the best person to tell me! HUGS!!
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